I have felt off the last few days and I finally figured out why.  It was 10 years ago this week that we found out we were having triplets.  I will never forget that appointment..the excitement, the shock, the disbelief.   We went in knowing I was pregnant and hoping we’d see one happy, healthy little heartbeat.  Those moments changed the course of our lives and really were the beginning of an incredibly challenging journey….one that has absolutely shaped who we are now.  (For anyone who doesn’t know his story, Nathan is the only survivor.)

Add to that that we’ve been asked to do a video testimony for church, and that a friend of mine found out yesterday that there is some complications in her pregnancy and I just feel emotional.  I’m always amazed at how close to the surface those emotions are…even though it’s been 10 years.  What have I learned in these last 10 years?  Are we really on the other side yet?  These are just a few of the things we get to wrestle with as we get ready to share together.

This song comes to mind.  I hear it on the radio and it makes me tear up..every time! The promise is that we’d be held…not that this life would be easy and free from heartbreak or sadness or death or sickness.

“Held”

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We’re asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it’s unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

I imagine the next few weeks will be challenging as we walk back through where we’ve been and think about what and how to share it. But I can tell you that more than anything we’ve learned that we’ve been held.  We can clearly see His hand holding ours and sustaining us.  Whatever you are going through right now, today, look for Him.  He is there and promises to hold you too.